Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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