well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
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I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize