Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
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Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
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I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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