did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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