i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
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chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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