Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need a beard to bite.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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