I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize