At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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