i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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Watching her eat just hurts me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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