I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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