you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
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he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
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The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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