seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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