I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
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There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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