last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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