plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize