She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize