when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
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It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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