He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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