hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize