i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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