I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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