My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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