I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
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I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
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Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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