I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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