Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
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I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
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I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Congratulations! We have a period
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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