Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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