we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
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I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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