Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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