walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize