Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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