She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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