In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize