apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sorry my hands just texted you
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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