Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
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My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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