Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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