did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
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I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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