You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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