i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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