Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i think i have two assholes
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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