His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize