Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
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I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
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I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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