I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
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First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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