My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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