I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
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I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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