...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize