Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Found your dick twin last night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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