yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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