And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
do herpes really smell.
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You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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