Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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