I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
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I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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